Recent events keep me pondering the course of my life. I sometimes wish I wasn't such a deep thinker because I can spend hours doing it at a time. Some friends and I went to the beach for Labor Day weekend and it was just nice to stare into the ocean and ponder life.
This brings me to Only the Lowly Motto#4: The biggest thing keeping me from joy in Christ, is me.
I confessed that this summer, God has shown me some clear direction. And while I jokingly told all my friends that I was going to pull a Jonah, it seems like I actually am. I think it's a good bit of healthy to express your desires to those close to you, so I have no problem telling my friends how scared of becoming a minister I am. Scared because I know myself too well, and while I see it in me, I am struggling real hard with God's ability to accomplish that in me. Sounds crazy I know, but the only explanation for my fear of this, is that some part of me doesn't believe God can do it. Then comes the awesome part of falling back in to bad habits, almost as if hiding behind my junk can shield me from God's purpose for me.
I always thought that half-hearted Christianity was like the worst way to live in all of existence. Why? Because you don't get the joy of fully living in Christ and you can't enjoy the short-lived happiness of all out sin because of a convicted heart. So the battle is on, as it has been from day one: Me vs God. I don't like my chances.
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4 comments:
#1 I didn't know that you had a blog. Now you're on my blogroll.
#2 I didn't know that YOU didn't know how to spell habit or existence. ;)
#3 I didn't know that you were thinking of becoming a minister! Awesome! Are you going to go to seminary?
Well, junk. I ran the spell check on that and missed it. I know how to spell but I often type fast and have chubby fingers ha ha. I only knew you had a blog cuz facebook told me ;) I try to keep my readership down ha ha.
Yeah I think minister is where I'm heading... don't know if seminary is the way yet.
Haha I love the "curse" word.
YES!!! Facebook is working... I check my blog stats constantly. I'm trying to get my readership UP! :)
seems like summer has been pretty life changing for a lot of people this year... including myself
probably going to blog more about it next week
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