They say admitting you have a problem is the first step. Well, technically it's the 5th step. How does an insanely proud man, who's been told he has a problem since he was a teenager, finally admit it after so many years? Well, it's a God thing.
I have an eating disorder. I hate saying it. I hate typing it. As embarrassed as I am to talk about it sometimes, I've been trying really hard to make sure I'm as open about it as I can be: Honest with my close friends who have helped me through the initial stages of this, honest with the professionals that are guiding me through this, and most of all honest with God. And you few lucky blog readers get this gem: My problem is killing me. Literally.
In true Only The Lowly format:
Only the Lowly Motto #2: Only a fool laughs when he's on fire.
Why is it so hard to talk about? Well, I'd much rather be healthy. I'd rather be in shape. I'd rather not be owned by food. I'd rather be the strong Christian man I desperately desire to be. I'd rather God snapped His fingers and healed me instantly. But what would God rather do in me? In all this, the one thing he's shown me over and over again in the last year: Be real. Pretending to be fireproof while the whole world can see you're on fire is, for lack of a better word, ridiculous. And so we fight...against the stream if we have to: risking ridicule and rejection but ultimately finding hope. The things I prefer take a back seat to my desire for true healing, not the band-aids I've tried to put on my life. God has blessed me with good support: a loving family that would do anything for me, an awesome group of friends that have been amazing through this, and above all surrounding me with His Grace.
O LORD my God, I called to you for help and you healed me. -Psalm 30:2
More cheerful OTL posts soon I promise.
1 comment:
Proud of you. It's definitely not an easy road, but I promise it's much sweeter on the other side. You can do it!
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