Doubt. Fear.

7 Days. I have 7 days to prepare for Africa. I wanted to share a bit about our last meeting. Sam's wonderful parents provided us with an authentic African meal, complete with Tommy policing any use of napkins or utensils that we will not have over there. It was very tasty. The goat stew was hard to eat without utensils, but I found it interesting how you could use other food items to your advantage in eating. I ended up having to use a lot of flat bread to scoop up the stew. So we talked about curriculum, discussed what we could take as gifts, some last minute flight info...then came the money.

Good God-fearing Baptists have never enjoyed money talks. We like our money, and don't like it when the pastors have their annual Stewardship sermons, or when people openly ask for donations. I have never quite understood that. I know my personal struggle to see my money as God's. I worked hard for it, I earned it...I, I, I. So when opportunities like Kenya come up its really life-changing on so many levels. I sent out about 25 support letters last year for Latvia. God easily provided for me through the kindness and willingness of our church family. This year has proven quite a bit tougher. I know: our economy is BAD right now. Believe me...for a low-earning chemist, this economy is painful. But I've seen God's hands work in my life financially too many times to be having these doubts that I have.

Complete honesty: I don't have the money. And unless God miraculously intervenes again, I'm putting half of the trip cost on my credit card. But with that comes the bigger problem: Fear and doubt. Was I wrong in perceiving that God wanted me to go on this trip? Is he trying to tell me I was wrong?!? What about Latvia?!? Is it God's plan for me to stick $2000 on my credit card for THAT trip?!? I don't know. So, I confess a struggle in my heart right now: Of all the miracles I've seen God perform in my life, why is THIS one so hard to have faith in? Is it because if I can't get this one-week trip to work, how can I expect myself to do this vocationally?!? A valid thought, but as a Christian, an irrational one. God is bigger than $2000. Greater than the meager obstacles we perceive to be massive. I pray for God's help in this. But He will be glorified either way.

Please continue to pray for us: We are starting to feel the reality of the task before us and the weight of responsibility.